I have been at a serious impasse regarding life direction since the loss of my religion, breakdown of my marraige, homelessness, at all those wonderful things. All the motivating factors for my studies were no longer there, all that defined me ceased to be.
I am now finding my way as a single dad who sees his kids less than hed like to. Its a tough adjustment going from stay at home dad to weekend dad. However, i know what i want, i want to be as involved with my kids upbringing as much as possible. Ideally, i would like to have them 3 days a week overnight – that is the goal im kinda working towards although im realistic enough to know that i will have to approach this in an ad-hoc manner.
What this requires though is for me to have a liveable income, and at the moment my studies which are going nowhere is hampering my efforts. Univerisity at the moment means that i am sleepwalking towards being a teacher something which is cool and all that but considering that my studies was with the aims of being educated where i could be a progressive muslim academic its quite different to being a teacher. I lost my ideology anyway so i can no longer engage with it or try to be a polemicist for it. For the sake of income to be the family man i so desire to be again i need to work full time, that is not possible to do with full time studies at university. So what do i do? It came to me this week and it feels fucking awesome to find direction again.
I withdraw from university, and do a credit transfer to the ‘open university’. I can study at the open university part time which means i can work full time and get my finances sorted. It will take me 3 years to do the degree that i want to do at the open university which means it would only take me a year longer than to complete the degree im currently doing at Glasgow. But heres the really cool thing. The degree that i’m changing to doing instead is a LAW DEGREE!
I can’t wait, now i need to get these wheels moving…..
June 15, 2007 at 1:39 am
“I have been at a serious impasse regarding life direction since the loss of my religion, breakdown of my marraige, homelessness, at all those wonderful things. All the motivating factors for my studies were no longer there, all that defined me ceased to be.”
I’m truly sorry to hear that. *That’s* got to be rough going. My 20s *also* saw a lot of that, except for divorce, because I’ve never been married. Oh, yeah, haven’t been homeless, *but I’ve been close.* Had to couch-surf when I was twenty-three for a couple months and be on welfare for that time; found a job and a place, though, got off quickly, thanks to God. Hope that you now are *off* the streets…mean place to be…
“I am now finding my way as a single dad who sees his kids less than hed like to. Its a tough adjustment going from stay at home dad to weekend dad. However, i know what i want, i want to be as involved with my kids upbringing as much as possible. Ideally, i would like to have them 3 days a week overnight – that is the goal im kinda working towards although im realistic enough to know that i will have to approach this in an ad-hoc manner.”
Maybe I’m too sanguine, but a little gut hunch says you’ll achieve your goal of three nights a week.:) I’ll pray for your situation; I’m a big believer in the power of prayer.:)
“What this requires though is for me to have a liveable income, and at the moment my studies which are going nowhere is hampering my efforts.”
One option might be to investigate something part-time which might be semi-lucrative, i.e., some types of Internet work. Internet work is taing off in the U.S., but here Americans have to be careful of scams which require money up front. In your country, I’m not certain what the deal is…but it *might* be worth investigating.
“Univerisity at the moment means that i am sleepwalking towards being a teacher something which is cool and all that but considering that my studies was with the aims of being educated where i could be a progressive muslim academic its quite different to being a teacher.”
That’s true. Sometimes it *sucks* to change course in life. Been there, done that. I found I had my heart set on something but couldn’t bring it off. Yuck.:( Weirdly, though, at 44, I’m finding second chances and even third chances in life.:))
“I lost my ideology anyway so i can no longer engage with it or try to be a polemicist for it.”
That can hurt. The death of a worldview. I used to be a neopagan; I was one for *20+* years. The loss of faith hurt like hell. BUT…I found Something more.:) Just want to reassure you that when you lose something, you *will* gain something else.:)
“So what do i do? It came to me this week and it feels fucking awesome to find direction again.”
COOL.:)) I’m happy for you!!:)
“I withdraw from university, and do a credit transfer to the ‘open university’. I can study at the open university part time which means i can work full time and get my finances sorted. It will take me 3 years to do the degree that i want to do at the open university which means it would only take me a year longer than to complete the degree im currently doing at Glasgow. But heres the really cool thing. The degree that i’m changing to doing instead is a LAW DEGREE!”
The beauty of a law degree is that it will give you an uncommon flexibility and power to go just about *ANYWHERE,* serve any cause you believe in through “pro bono” work, *and* give you the financial stability to achieve your dreams.:) You know who you might want to talk to? Disgusted Beyond Belief. He’s a blogger who’s an American lawyer based in Michigan; granted, U.K. law is a way different animal than U.S. law, but I’m sure he could give you pointers where you could go to maximize your opportunities in the British/European/international arena.
“I can’t wait, now i need to get these wheels moving…..”
*I’m glad.*:)
June 17, 2007 at 10:50 pm
The death of my worldview was the thing that caused everything to fall apart. I converted to islam when i was 19. I never really gave a shit about afterlife vis a vis me when i was a muslim but it was really brutal to come to the conclusion that there would be no afterlife for my kids. At that time, i was thinking what the fuck am i doing giving life to these wondeful little beings only for them to ultimately decay and die, just seems so tragic, that thought process really fucked me up, for my lovely wee darlings i would want nothing else but eternety for them.
My religion i think had a lot to do with keeeping me in a marriage taht i probably shouldnt have been so when the religion fell apart the things i endured and perpetuated (nonone was blameless in our situation) no longer had that thing to keep it going and i basiclly had what i guess in retrospect was a nervous breakdown where i done the unthinkable…. something id rather talk about in private or not at all publically…..
Depression is something that i need to fight with every day, 6 months ago i was really heavily suicidal, but i guess ive progressed somewhat because im not so prone to suicide ideation…. whereas back in those days i was really really close to it so much that it scares me to think back to it and also that im amazed that im actually here….
My best self without a doubt could achieve these things scarred, if i could just switch off a part of my brain that continually undermines me, i have no doubt that i would be successfull.
thank you for your prayers it is much appriciated
June 18, 2007 at 1:16 pm
“The death of my worldview was the thing that caused everything to fall apart. I converted to islam when i was 19. I never really gave a shit about afterlife vis a vis me when i was a muslim but it was really brutal to come to the conclusion that there would be no afterlife for my kids. At that time, i was thinking what the fuck am i doing giving life to these wondeful little beings only for them to ultimately decay and die, just seems so tragic, that thought process really fucked me up, for my lovely wee darlings i would want nothing else but eternety for them.”
Yeah, I hear you…although what I understand about Islam, (I think,) children are considered born Muslim and then get reared into apostasy (i.e., Christianity, Judaism, other religions, etc.)–*although,* it might depend on what legal school of Islam you put your faith into. I had a coworker who took the Shahadah and became Muslim; his significant other is Moroccan. I don’t know the *name* of the legal school, but *his* sect of Islam believes that Christians and Jews go to hell after they die–**but not necessarily forever.** In fact, his sect believes that after awhile, Allah will let many (although not all) out of hell. I instantly drew a parallel to the purgatory of Catholic Christianity (I’m a progressive, liberal Catholic, formerly neopagan, so I know about conversions.:)) If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that the God of the Universe is truly merciful: this I believe.:) While I sometimes may want to spank His/Her representatives at times, I very much believe in the mercy of the Almighty.:)
“My religion i think had a lot to do with keeeping me in a marriage taht i probably shouldnt have been so when the religion fell apart the things i endured and perpetuated (nonone was blameless in our situation) no longer had that thing to keep it going and i basiclly had what i guess in retrospect was a nervous breakdown where i done the unthinkable…. something id rather talk about in private or not at all publically…..”
I understand. Tell you what: feel free to email me, that’s okay. You’ve earned my trust: we’ll email in private.
“Depression is something that i need to fight with every day, 6 months ago i was really heavily suicidal, but i guess ive progressed somewhat because im not so prone to suicide ideation…. whereas back in those days i was really really close to it so much that it scares me to think back to it and also that im amazed that im actually here….”
Been there, done that. NOT fun. If you are in a position to get it, I recommend getting on medication *temporarily* while undergoing therapy. They used to think that you had to be on meds the rest of your life, but they’ve changed their minds. A lot of times they’ll put you on meds just for 3-6 months during therapy, and then you get weaned off of it if you’re doing better, then continue in therapy. IT WORKS!!
June 24, 2007 at 10:33 am
Yeah thats pretty much the standard islamic position. Our natural state (fitnah) is muslim and it our socieities that take us away from that…
The whole Hell thing is heavy shit tho isnt it, cause on one hand its brutal, i mean the punishment so does not fit the crime, yet on the otherhand we don’t want to water down religion to this thing thats just there to make one feel good. It should be something that challanges one, thats why i am somewhat wary of liberal reavaluations of religion, why? Because the purpose of religion is to challenge the times, not to be molded by the times….
June 24, 2007 at 6:22 pm
edit: our natural state is not fitnah lol that means war, our natrual state is fitrah,
getting rusty on the old islamic concepts